CELTIC NIGHT OUT
(Sung to the tune of "Do you hear what I hear?")
Dedicated to Morgan Graymael
By Lucillus, the Mad Poet
Said the mighty horse to the little lamb:
"Do you hear what I hear?
Footsteps in the night, little lamb.
Do you hear what I hear?
A Celt! A Celt!
Coming in the night,
Let us try to stay out of his sight.
My ass is too tired, yours too tight!"
Said the little lamb to the mighty horse:
"Do you see what I see?
Coming at us now, what a sight!
Do you see what I see?
A Celt! A Celt!
Painted head to toe,
He has come to abuse us, I know!
Oh, why must you do this, please go!"
Said the painted Celt to the mighty horse:
"Do you know why I'm here?
See if you can guess, stupid horse.
Do you know why I'm here?
It's time again, and you have a friend,
We will make this a night to recall,
I'll not stop until I've had you all!"
Said the little lamb to the painted Celt:
"Listen to what I say!
While you do the horse, mighty Celt.
Listen to what I say!
Please spare my ass,
There's no need to harass,
Can't you be just satisfied with him?
Oh, please don't cave my bottom in!"
Said the painted Celt to the little lamb:
"Listen to me well now!
I'll tell you what I'll do, foolish lamb.
Listen to me well now!
One's not enough!
It won't be so tough,
You might even enjoy what I do.
Why have one when I can have you too!"
Said the mighty horse to the smelly Celt:
"Well, I hope you're done now!
With your act so foul, smelly Celt!
Well, I hope you're done now!
Please spare the lamb, don't you give a
You might hurt the poor little thing!
I thank God your friend you didn't bring!"
Said the tired Celt to the horse and lamb:
"Won't you quit your whining?
Take it like you should, silly beasts!
Won't you quit your whining?
We had a blast! And I got some ass,
It's much better than sex with my wife!
And you don't even threaten my life!"