To: All Msg #87, Apr0893 12:38AM Subject: A New Theory of Creation [a parody] A New Theory
From: Alan M Feuerbacher
To: All Msg #87, Apr-08-93 12:38AM
Subject: A New Theory of Creation [a parody]
Organization: Tektronix, Inc., Beaverton, OR.
From: alanf@tekig6.PEN.TEK.COM (Alan M Feuerbacher)
A New Theory of Creation, or, Genesis Explained Truthfully
Originally the earth was a fiery mass of matter. In this
incandescent state it glowed like a miniature sun, like a
star. No seas could exist upon its surface then, but all
moisture was driven off as steam and its hydrocarbons were
vaporized and its metal and minerals were sublimated and
thrown far out into space, about the boiling, burning earth-
core. As the earth rotated on its axis, this thrown-off
matter gradually formed into great rings about the earth at
its equator, where the centrifugal force of the spinning
earth was most powerful. Yet the earth's power of gravity
held the rings in the vicinity of the earth's equator.
According to the density and specific gravity of the materi-
als thrown off from the molten earth, they formed into rings
of water mixed with mineral substance, the densest and heav-
iest being nearest the earth-core, the next heavy being
immediately next out beyond it, and so on, the lightest
being thrown out farthest and being almost wholly a water
ring. Thus an annular or ring system existed, and the
appearance to the eye of God was like that of a great wheel,
with wheels within wheels, and with the molten earth itself
as the spherical hub of them. The formation was exactly
like that of the planet which astronomers call "Saturn" and
which still has a ring system about it, many rings concen-
tric yet swinging about its equator.
The planet Saturn is progressing to its final creative
form according to the same divine laws that governed the
earth at its early stages of creation. The evidence from
man's heavenly probes shows that these rings are composed of
frozen snow particles. With the aid of a telescope it is
noticeable not only that Saturn has rings, but that about
the sphere there are bands of various widths and brightness,
and these are at various latitudes above and below Saturn's
equator. However, at its north and south poles there are no
canopies, but the poles are exposed. There the canopy belts
are falling, those being the areas of least resistance to
gravitational forces. Such belts are produced by the rings
at the equator falling one after another and then spreading
out to form belts on either side of the equator. Each of
these canopy belts revolves about Saturn at its own specific
speed, gradually slowing down as it nears the polar region.
Unseen within and beneath these canopy belts the planet Sat-
urn itself rotates on its axis like a central core at its
own as yet unmeasured speed.
Likewise with the early earth. As it cooled, its nearest
and heaviest ring fell first toward the equator. But the
earth's centrifugal force prevented its fall to the earth's
surface, and the ring flattened out and spread out like a
belt, one part to the north and the other to the south.
Ring after ring fell, and belt after belt formed. The belts
moved toward the north and the south pole and there to a
final fall to the earth itself. At the polar points of
least resistance the earth's gravity pulled down each belt
as it reached such weak spot, and the waters and their valu-
able treasures took a Niagara-like plunge. Reaching the
earth, the watery deluge swept as a terrific inundation or
flood from the poles towards the equator, carrying along its
wealth of metals and minerals, together with ice. This
greatly enriched the surface of the cooling earth.
At a certain stage, then, the surface of the earth,
except at the poles, was completely enveloped in a canopy of
mineralized and watery belts, like swaddling bands, high in
suspension about the earthly globe. There was yet a series
of rings riding on high at its equator, and thus the appear-
ance of our planet was then like that of Saturn at present,
whose rings are 171,000 miles across diametrically. The
earth reached this stage of annular and canopy development
more quickly than Saturn, because, being a smaller body, it
cooled more rapidly and its exhalations condensed sooner.
No form of a continent then showed upon the earth, but there
was water directly upon the bosom of the earth, as well as a
watery deep swirling high up above. Then the Spirit of God
acted upon those exterior waters, moving upon the outer face
or surface of them. "And the earth was without form, and
void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the
Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters." -- Genesis
The earth having now cooled and solidified, it no longer
glowed like a star, but was dark. "And God said, Let there
be light: and there was light. And God saw the light, that
it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called
Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day."
-- Genesis 1:3-5.
This was not some electrical light created at the earth
itself, otherwise it would have shone all around the earth
at the same time and there would have been no division
between light and darkness. Whence, then, came the light?
From the sun, which had been created unknown time prior to
our tiny planet earth of the solar system.
The sunlight shone only upon the upper surface of the
frozen or watery canopy high up above and around the earth.
Only half of this canopy received the light of the sun at
any time, the other half being away from the face of the sun
and being in darkness. But, like the earth within, the belt
canopy about it was also revolving around the earth's axis.
Thus there was a division between the daylight period and
the night period. However, the light of the sun did not
penetrate through those canopy belts and reach the surface
of the earth itself or reach the waters immediately upon the
earth. The canopy belts were practically opaque, and
between them and the earth the intervening space was dense
with carbon, worse than a "pea-soup fog" in London.
"And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of
the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.
And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which
were under the firmament from the waters which were above
the firmament: and it was so. And God called the firmament
Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second
day." (Genesis 1:6-8) This appears to mean a clearing up to
some extent of the expanse between the waters under which
earth's surface was buried and the watery belts suspended
above the earth. The firmament or "heaven" was not holding
up the canopy belts on high, but the establishment of the
firmament marked a clear separation between such waters
above and those under it. It was in this firmament that the
winged creatures yet to be made would fly, and which in time
man himself would invade with the airship, the airplane and
the rocket. At the close of the second creative day the
light from the sun had not yet pierced through the canopy
and reached the firmament. All was still dark there.
"And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gath-
ered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear:
and it was so. And God called the dry land Earth; and the
gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw
that it was good." (Genesis 1:9,10) Thus at the beginning
of the third creative day there were great convulsions
within the bowels of the earth, very likely caused by the
falling of more belts of the canopy at the poles of the
earth and subjecting it to new weights and pressures. At
any rate, God's directive power was operating, and bodies of
land were forced up above the surface of the hitherto watery
waste. Vast continents and islands pushed up. They were
nude of all vegetation or plant life.
"And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb
yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his
kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was
so. And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding
seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed
was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
And the evening and the morning were the third day." (Gene-
sis 1:11-13) There was no evolution or developing of one
form or specialty of plant life through indefinite, indis-
tinct changes into another form of plant life. God's mani-
fold wisdom created the multitude of definite forms of
plants and vegetation, each one bearing seed within itself
to reproduce and continue its own kind unchanged. All this
bringing forth of the first forms of plant life took place
in the darkness that still hovered in the firmament over the
earth and within the dense watery canopy.
"And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of
the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be
for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years: and let
them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give
light upon the earth: and it was so. And God made two great
lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser
light to rule the night: he made the stars also. And God
set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon
the earth, and to rule over the day and over the night, and
to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it
was good. And the evening and the morning were the fourth
day." (Genesis 1:14-19).
Now, for the first time the light of the sun, moon and
stars appeared in the firmament of earth's heaven and that
light penetrated through to the land surfaces and seas of
the earth itself. Evidently by this time more of the
canopy's densely-laden watery belts had reached the poles
and fallen, deluging the whole earth for the time and wiping
out the growing plant life. After such floods subsided,
more plants sprang up and covered the protruding land sur-
faces with herbage. The canopy belt last falling in the
course of the fourth day left only the lightest rings of
almost pure water to drop at the equator and to spread out
northward and southward like a tent or canopy over the
earth. This remaining aqueous canopy was translucent. It
therefore let the light of the sun, moon and stars far out-
side to stream through and light up the firmament, the air
expanse which had now become relatively free of carbon. The
effect of this was to produce a hothouse state upon the
earth under its translucent canopy. This was very conducive
to the luxuriant growth of plant life, even to the northern
and southern polar regions, in the intervals between the
fall of canopy belts.
Due to the aqueous canopy still enveloping the earth
above the firmament the definite outline of the sun, moon
and stars could not have been seen at the surface of the
earth. Only their light diffused through the canopy. As
time went on, the canopy would become very thin immediately
above the equator of the earth, and the sunlight would pene-
trate through and be refracted with unusual brilliancy.
What creatures would now inhabit the earth?
"And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the
moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above
the earth in the open firmament of heaven. And God created
great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which
the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and
every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was
good. And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multi-
ply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply
in the earth. And the evening and the morning were the
fifth day." -- Genesis 1:20-23.
During this fifth creative day there may have been a
falling of further belts of the aqueous canopy at the poles,
resulting this time in the destruction of animal or creature
life by the icy waters, some forms of animal life being
wiped out which do not exist today. This destructive pro-
cess, together with further upheavals of the earth's crust,
was, no doubt, responsible for those great limestone
deposits known as "shell-fish cemeteries." However, newer
forms of creature life would be produced by divine power
after each such deluge.
The final work-day was now reached. "And God said, Let
the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind,
cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his
kind: and it was so. And God made the beast of the earth
after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing
that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw
that it was good." -- Genesis 1:24,25.
What forms or kinds of animal creatures were first to be
created on this sixth creative day is not stated. Doubtless
some forms whose fossils or petrified remains have been
found imbedded deep in the earth were destroyed by further
falling belts from the canopy and by the resulting inunda-
tions rushing down like tidal waves from the poles. It was
doubtless after the last of such devastating deluges on the
sixth day that the description at Genesis 2:4-6 applies:
"These are the generations of the heavens and of the earth
when they were created, in the day that the Lord God made
earth and the heavens. And no plant of the field was yet in
the earth, and no herb of the field had yet sprung up; for
the Lord God had not caused it to rain upon the earth: and
there was not a man to till the ground; but there went up a
mist from the earth, and watered the whole face of the
After that God created Adam and Eve, and ungratefully
they sinned against God. Later men began to grow in numbers
upon the surface of the ground and they kept on toiling and
working with their hands, fighting the thorns and thistles
of the cursed earth. A few men like Enoch had been like the
"salt of the earth," exercisng a wholesome influence among
men; but men in general were bent on corruption. Such were
glad that Enoch was gone and his preaching and prophesying
against the ungodly sinners were gone with him. Selfishly
they continued to eat their food and to drink their wine and
to marry and be given in marriage, and humankind multiplied
due to the multiplied conception of women.
Suddenly amid the corruption of the times a new element
emerged upon the scene and commanded the attention of men,
but not for betterment. The Divine Record abruptly says,
"There were giants [Nephilim] in the earth in those days."
(Genesis 6:4) Under the influence of the Nephilim man
became so corrupt that the great God determined that he
would grant them only 120 years of grace before he executed
judgment upon them.
Amid this wickedness Noah followed Enoch's example and
walked with God. God blessed him with three sons and he
brought them up in the faith of God and led them in obedi-
ence to God's righteous will. Noah kept himself unspotted
and uncorrupted from that old, ungodly world.
The earth at that time was in the condition described at
2 Peter 3:5, and of which condition the people outside of
Noah's family chose to remain willingly ignorant: "For this
they willingly are ignorant of, that by the word of God the
heavens were of old, and the earth standing out of the water
and in the water."
By God's dynamic word the waters on earth had been col-
lected into great seabeds, and the dry land had been made to
appear, on the third creative day. In course of time the
rings of matter exhaled by the earth in its molten state had
fallen one after another to form canopy belts around the
earth but up above earth's firmament or atmospheric expanse.
The belts had moved slowly toward the poles, north and
south, and there at the areas of least resistance they had
fallen, subjecting the earth to great deluges destructive to
all existing forms of life. Now, one thousand years after
the close of the sixth creative day, on which God made man,
the last ring, almost pure water, had fallen toward earth's
firmament and had enveloped the earth in a canopy. It was
sustained aloft by centrifugal force as it rotated. It con-
stituted a great deep of water in suspension, but still
enveloping the earth.
Adam's descendants, now multiplied over the earth, were
out of the water, being on dry land. At the same time they
were in the water, being within the water canopy which had
been there since before Adam's creation. To the ungodly men
of the earth, since Adam had fallen asleep in death, all
things seemed to continue as they were from the beginning of
the creation. Not at all did they see what God saw, that
the movement of the waters of the great canopy far overhead
was toward the poles; that as a result the thickness of the
canopy out above the earth's equator was becoming very thin,
almost admitting direct sunlight through, and that the edges
of the canopy nearing the poles were growing dangerously
weak, rotating with growing slowness to the point of having
little centrifugal force to resist the downward pull of
earth's gravity. The fall of the canopy was imminent,
awaiting God's removal of his restraining power at the end
of the 120 years. But before the canopy belts dropped God
mercifully chose to warn earth's inhabitants of the dreadful
cataclysm of waters and to declare to the people the way of
escape, if they would heed.
God made Noah his witness to sound the warning. Doubt-
less first to Noah God gave the account of the creation of
earth as described in the first chapter of the Bible,
thereby revealing to him the existence of the mighty deep
above earth's firmament, and that it must shortly plunge to
earth, causing an earth-wide flood and destroying all cor-
rupt humankind. To escape through it, a great boat must be
built and Noah and his sons and the wives of all four must
take refuge in it, bringing in also a select number of
birds, cattle and creeping things (not insects). Such a
catastrophe as ever visiting the earth was unreported of
before, yet Noah believed God.
All the ungodly on earth, the Nephilim, the mighty men of
renown, and the race in general, scoffed at Noah and his
sons while building the big boat, 450 feet long, 75 feet
broad, and 45 feet high, with three inner stories. How was
he ever to launch it from the land on which it was built?
Noah and his sons held their integrity under the scoffing.
Noah warned the people of the flood and preached the righ-
teousness of God, which righteousness called for the flood
of destruction as the execution of God's just condemnation
of the world. Asked by the skeptical when it should come,
Noah replied he did not know the day or hour, but it would
not come before the boat was finished, with his family
The great float was completed, while the mists still con-
tinued to exhale from the earth and to water the face of the
whole earth. No sign of rain or flood was apparent to the
people. What now? God's word came to Noah telling him to
move into the ark with his family, bringing also the birds
and animals: "For yet seven days, and I will cause it to
rain upon the earth forty days and forty nights; and every
living thing that I have made will I destroy from off the
face of the ground." Noah obeyed. No children or babies
were taken into the ark. Although married, Noah's sons had
so engrossed themselves in preparing for the flood that they
had no time to consider the rearing of families. It was not
the occasion for such. Moreover, their refraining from hav-
ing children showed their conviction; it added weight to
their testimony respecting the world calamity at hand. When
the people beheld Noah and his household moving into the ark
and taking the creature life with them, did they suddenly
repent and turn from their corrupt ways, believing that
world disaster was near? The Son of man, Christ Jesus,
answers: "As in the days that were before the flood they
were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage,
until the day that No'e entered into the ark, and knew not
until the flood came, and took them all away." -- Matthew
Noah was 600 years old when he turned his back on that
old ungodly world and entered the ark containing its
precious cargo. Then the flood descended, in Noah's six
hundredth year, the seventeenth day of the second month.
All the fountains of the great deep suspended above the
earth broke forth with gushing waters; and the aqueous
canopy, which had shielded the earth from the direct beams
of the sun, moon and stars like a window pane, opened its
floodgates. Forty days the downfall of water continued, and
the rising waters on the earth lifted up the ark and finally
raised it on their surface fifteen cubits above the highest
Earth now looked like a watery globe, within its firma-
ment of now well-washed atmosphere, much like when God com-
manded long before that, saying: "Let the waters under the
heavens be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry
land appear." It was therefore no new thing for God to
issue a like command after the floodwaters had prevailed
upon the earth for 150 days; for then the ark's keel struck
land. "After the end of a hundred and fifty days the waters
decreased. And the ark rested in the seventh month, on the
seventeenth day of the month, upon the mountains of Ararat."
With the falling of the canopy the seasons of the year now
In the six hundred and first year of Noah's life, Noah
and his family and the animals had been in the ark for
exactly one lunar year and ten days, the Lord having shut
them in the ark the seventeenth day of the second month of
the previous year. The wicked men on the earth, together
with the interference of the Nephilim and the disobedient
"sons of God" from the invisible heavens, ended. The old
world ended, perished, but the earth continued abiding.
Concerning it God now said: "While the earth remaineth,
seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and summer and win-
ter, and day and night shall not cease." -- Genesis 8:22.
From: Alan M Feuerbacher
To: All Msg #127, Apr-12-93 07:53PM
Subject: Re: A New Theory of Creation
Organization: Tektronix, Inc., Beaverton, OR.
From: alanf@tekig6.PEN.TEK.COM (Alan M Feuerbacher)
Concerning my theory, to wit:
"A New Theory of Creation, or, Genesis Explained Truthfully"
Teemu Makinen writes:
> Well, that was a bit funny, especially the physics and planetology parts
> but where are all the smileys?
Warren vonRoeschlaub writes:
> Boy, that was the longest spoof I've yet to see.
DR PEPPER writes:
> Terrific! I bet you could sell this to Chick.
Rich Fox writes:
> Oh, Alan, wonderful, wonderful! The Lost Books of Moses!
Hey! This was a serious post! I spent at least three hours thinking
about it and three more typing it up. You people on the t.o clown
force are really due for a comeupance!
I regard this stuff as important for mankind to understand, and I am
the only one who understands it. This I regard as something like what
Rudyard Kipling used to call the "white man's burden", the duty to try
to educate and uplift the naked savage, the benighted, the ill-favored,
the ignorant... in this case, the evolutionist and/or those corrupted
by the evolutionist in our wonderful, dumbed-down school systems.
E-Mail Fredric L. Rice / The Skeptic Tank