Don Allingham Nov-18-91 04:04AM I couldn't let this pass. From the a Denver newspaper (don

Don Allingham
Nov-18-91 04:04AM

I couldn't let this pass.  From the a Denver newspaper (don't know the
date or paper, but within the last two months):

               Recluse says he can activate dormant brain
               ------------------------------------------

   T.D. Lingo licks 'cosmic lollipop' up on Laughing Coyote Mountain

T.D. Lingo is picking the last wildflowers of the season when all of a
sudden he straightens up and says, "Click."

He is standing outside the Dormant Brain Research and Development
Laboratory, 10,000 feet above sea level and, he claims, several hundred
IQ points above mankind, looking down at Central City and Black Hawk.

He sticks the last wildflowers of the season into his hatband.  He has
spent 34 years up here trying to prove that people use only 10% of their
brains, and says he has discovered how to click into 100% so he can
communicate with other species, experience extrasensory perception and
have multiple orgasms.

He closes his eyes, and the idea comes out punctuated.

"Gambling causes individuals to click backward into his or her
devolution comma reptile-brain comma killer-ape greed comma rather than
clicking forward into his or her 100% brain creative intelligence comma
galloping galaxies and licking the cosmic lollipop period," he says.

He opens his eyes and puts his hat on his head.

"See?"

The Dormant Brain Laboratory is seven cabins arranged, one after-thought
at a time, on 250 acres.  Lingo lives on vegetables and vodka.  He goes
down to Black Hawk once a month to pick up groceries and his mail, after
he clicks down to using 10% of his brain.

He has just finished the book that will sum everything up in chapters
with titles like "Quick/Easy Neurology" and "Quick-Fix Nirvana."

"It's going to be a national bestseller," he says.  "Even my mind has
trouble comprehending it.  Black Hawk is going to be known as Braintown,
U.S.A."

Lingo grew up in Chicago, fought in World War II and killed a German old
enough to be his grandfather, he says.  After the war ended, he went to
the University of Chicago and three other universities he will not name.
At all of them he asked, "Why must I kill my brother?"

A professor at the University of Chicago told him the answer was inside
the brain, not the classroom.  He gave himself the names Theocharis
Docha Anthropotis Lingo, which he says means "The love of God and the
spirit of mankind."  He became Lingo the Difter, a folk singer with
three chords and nine songs.

He got on "You Bet Your Life" with Groucho Mark in 1957, wearing
buckskins and the hat he still wears, and won $16,000.  He cashed his
check into small bills that filled two shopping bags and gave one to the
Internal Revenue Service.  He hitchhiked back to Colorado and bought
Laughing Coyote Mountain.

Of course, most of his theories are contradicted by the accepted
theories of science.

Of course, this only proves his point, he says.  He mails out thousands
of letters a year trying to get attention for his ideas.  He has
designed an entire program of brain calisthentics for anybody who writes
back.

"Where did I leave my brain?" he says.

He goes into one of the cabins.  He moves boxes and books stacked on the
floors.  The walls are covered with writing, thoughts like "The ecstasy
of daily suchness" and "Chop. Thumb. Rock. Eyes. Yapple."

"Damn if I know what I was thinking when I wrote that," he says.  "Must
have been drunk..."

Finally, he opens a metal box and takes out a specimen jar.  The object
inside is dry and white because somebody spilled the formaldehyde.  He
takes the object out.

It is the brain of the professor at the University of Chicago who told
him the answer was in the brain, he says.  "Right there.  That's exactly
where that idea was that's going to change the world.  Brilliant....

"For a professor, I mean."

He puts the brain back in the specimen jar, back in the box, back behind
the other boxes.

He walks outside and closes his eyes.

"Click," he says.  "One-hundred percent brain evolution is ultimate
life-meaning comma clicking out of brain chow mein comma spontaneously
playing ping-pong with the life force period."

He opens his eyes and smiles.

"It's beautiful," he says.  "It's like wildflowers."