Let me tell you about my eccentric old uncle, Jeb Hova. He raised ants in the back yard. A

From: Zhahai Stewart

   Let me  tell  you  about my eccentric old uncle, Jeb Hova.  He
raised ants in the back yard.  All he asked of them was that they
worship him (he claimed the ability to listen in on  their  every
thought, and  thus  to  judge  them  perfectly).  If they did, he
would drop  all  manner  of  bread  crumbs  from  above  on  them
(sometimes).   If  not,  he  dumped  water  on their anthills, or
sometimes gasoline, or  in  various  other  ways  destroyed  them
wholesale.   He  got  very  angry  and  killed bigtime if he ever
thought they were paying any attention to any  other  humans;  he
was to be their only deity, period.  He dictated how they were to
run  their  society,  what they were permitted to think, how they
must act.  He loved them deeply if they did.  He threatened  them
if not,  and carried it out with a vengeance.  He claimed to have
invented a  way  to  burn  noncompli-ants  in  gasoline  for  all
eternity  if they blew the one chance he gave them (the others he
would give wings and wonderful things to).   Basically,  if  they
didn't  obey,  his  torture  was  claimed  to  be  infinitely and
eternally worse than any Hitler or  anyone  else  ever  imagined.
Real loving chap, they say.

   There  are  some strange stories about his having an assistant
antkeeper named Luke Sipher, who went bad according to uncle Jeb.
Jeb said that Luke was trying to win his ants away from him,  and
fired Luke.   They  have  been  enemies  ever  since.   And their
conflict has done some strange jobs on  the  ants,  like  playing
"loyalty  games" where Luke torments an ant while Jeb stays quiet
to see if the ant will switch over or not.  Or Jeb may force  his
ants  to  kill their pupae (sometimes he says "hah, fooled you, I
was just testing" at the last moment, sometimes not).

   Actually, there are a lot of strange stories about Jeb.

   Anyway, some of  the  neighbors  think  Jeb  has  some  pretty
obvious problems  in  the marbles department.  His obsessions are
not considered healthy.  Me, I don't know - I  never  really  met
Jeb.   All  the stories I have heard have come indirectly through
ants; not just any ants, either, but ants  who  really  like  the
games Jeb plays with them. (Reminds me of dysfunctional families,
but that  is  another story).  These ants are the ones who praise
Jeb for his love, and tsk tsk when they think  Jeb  has  punished
ants who weren't playing by Jeb's rules.

   In  fact,  ants  are  near  sighted, so most of the ants can't
really see Jeb.  But it is an undisputed fact that different ants
have afflictions or windfalls, and that some communities of  ants
are  even  wiped  out  from  time to time - who's to say that Jeb
isn't behind it?  I don't know myself; tho I have to  admit  that
the  pattern  of  good  and  bad  things that happen to different
anthills, some that worship Jeb and some that don't, seem awfully
similar, at least to a non-Jeb worshipper.  I figure that since I
haven't met Jeb myself, I  have  to  wonder  if  he  is  as,  um,
eccentric  as they say, or if the ants who are our only source of
information might be making up some of it; unconsciously that is,
just to fit their particular  psychological  needs.    Maybe  the
stories  about  Jeb  tell  us more about the Jeb worshipping ants
than they do about Jeb. (There are other  Jeb  worshippers  quite
different  than  the  ones  I  describe here; don't judge all Jeb
worship by this).

   In any case, I figure that if their belief in Jeb makes  their
lives  more  meaningful,  more  livable, or happier (and they all
claim it does), then that is their business.  I am sincerely  and
honestly  glad  for  the ants for whom this is a blessing (I know
several).  I just don't take so well to their pushing  uncle  Jeb
on the  other  ants,  the  way some of them do.  For some reason,
their own faith in Jeb  seems  a  bit  shaken  unless  every  ant
believes  in Jeb; those who don't (or who also believe in Jeb but
describe him differently) are at best pushed to convert, at worst
killed, and many steps between.  They claim Jeb's love makes them
do it, but Jeb hasn't made it so clear to the recipients that  he
authorized it; you would think he could handle it himself if so.

   Anyway,  both  ants who worship Jeb, and those who do not, are
welcome as long as they can show respect for others.    But  they
mustn't insist that everyone else take their stories about Jeb as
fact.   And  they  have to be prepared when folks roll their eyes
after hearing how the oh so loving Jeb has severely  stomped  any
ants that cross him, and will again.  One has to wonder how these
ants define  "love."   In any case, they are welcome to get their
kind of "love" from Jeb, just so they don't mess up the carpet or
bother the other ants too much.

   And if you have any ideas on how to diagnose  uncle  Jeb,  (or
the  ants  who describe their loving uncle Jeb in this particular
way), I am  open  to  hearing  them.    Medical  and  psychiactic
diagnoses welcome.

   Sincerely, ~z~

   PS: Somebody  is bound to accuse me of Christian bashing.  Not
so; I am only describing things about my uncle Jeb, as told me by
his ants.  If some subset of Christians,  Moslems,  Jews,  Marcos
followers,  Nazis,  or  whatever  find  some  echo  of  their own
practices here,  they  can  judge  the  level  of  similarity  or
difference for  themselves.    But  I  know  very well that other
Christians, Moslems, Jews, Marcos followers, Nazis  and  whatever
have different beliefs, and this would not apply to them.  Let it
be self defined which are which.

	B*B ~z~